my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Randomize
