I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
