Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
