he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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