I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
