you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
