Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
