im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
