I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
