I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
