my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
