I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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