Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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