Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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