i just sent this text using only my big toe
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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