It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
How does it feel to date your dad?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
