he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
