Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Sorry about my life...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
