Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
