I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
