I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
