fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
