i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My cat gives me a boner
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
