Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
