But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
