She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
