I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
