Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
