I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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