Christians are straight up FREAKS
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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