Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
