I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
