dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
