dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
im having a threesome with these popsicles
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
