my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
