how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
