I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
