He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
