I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
