We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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