is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
