I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
