Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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