i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
