We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
