So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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