Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Sorry about my life...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
