Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
