Too much gin, very little bucket
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
