I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
