Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
