is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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