Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
