good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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