as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
and you fell through a lawn chair
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
